So, it's been a while since I've written anything but I've been super busy with visitors and work. I had the best time with Marian and Chris here, showing them around and getting to pretend like I know a lot about the city was super fun. It was really nice seeing friendly faces of people from home in my new Portland hood. I also got to spend a whole two weeks with Aaron and have a little vacation in Seattle. All of it was so amazing but I am ready to get back on track with improving myself. The two weeks Aaron was here were so wonderful it left me feeling so excited for our future. There are so many possibilities to where we will end up pending on grad school acceptance but knowing that we'll be together is the best feeling. However, it still feels forever away so I'm trying very hard to stay positive and focus only on the good things that await. I had my second full therapy session yesterday and I was given the assignment to write down at least 3 good things a day. Most days my anxiety levels are fairly low but occasionally when something unexpected happens I feel very overwhelmed and can't seem to get motivated to do anything. This practice will hopefully help me find the silver lining in things and start to see the good things that are in front of me. Today was surprisingly warm and sunny so I took advantage fully. I had several errands to run so I hopped on my bike and headed out after my morning yoga and naked juice (which also help immensely with stress and frequent migraines). Somethings that I really love about the northwest are that the trees are so tall and everything is green. It really helps on the gloomy days to still be able to see some color out there. I made my way to a lovely park by the library and some thrift stores I frequent. After wandering a bit I decided to check out a local coffee shop that I've heard good things about in an area I haven't explored yet. So, I sat down enjoyed a raspberry white chocolate muffin and iced coffee, then I wrote my good things for the day. It was very refreshing and luckily my sister sent me an adorable notebook for my birthday which is extra incentive to keep up with my assignment. Dress Urban Outfitters $10 (black friday), chambray button up shirt H&M $5 (from Goodwill), Shoes Urban Outfitters $8 (black friday). Scarf, crocheted by Renee.
Moving to the northwest, I knew I was going to have to deal with a lot of rain. It has been unseasonably dry though, which I am very thankful for. Those first few rainy days were pretty rough, I really had to push myself to go outside. I love staying in and watching movies but I didn't move across the country to do that. So, on these sunny days I really try to enjoy it to the fullest. Today I went to Laurelhurst Park. It is lovely with a nice big dog park, a lake and plenty of walking paths. I do feel awkward since almost always I am taking these pictures by myself. and Laurelhurst is a particularly busy park, but I don't have a lot of other options so I just suck it up and think about how I will never see these people again...let them stare. Today's outfit was a fall printed red/orange dress with leaves and flowers from Urban Outfitters, the dress is a bit large on me these days, especially on top so I kept it tight with a black sweater over it that I got from Goodwill, the black leather boots and brown leather belt were also thrifted from Goodwill here in Portland, my cute polka dot socks are from Target, and my scarf is actually Renee's...and she crocheted it herself. P.s. I stopped at Target today and picked up some Autumn Pear mulling spice for some lovely fall cocktails, and it was 70% off! I'll definitely be trying and blogging that soon.
Today was a big day for me. I took a huge step forward into being the person I want to be. For a long time I've suffered from anxiety/depression and have felt really alone in dealing with it. Throughout my life I've visited counselors and therapists relating to this and other situations in my life but it was never because I really wanted help. I always went because one of my parents made me, and being the angry, stubborn adolescent that I was, I didn't want anyone else's help. My big move to the Northwest was brought on through a realization in myself that I really need to figure out who I am. I felt that putting myself into a new environment and new situations where I would have to fend for myself was really the only way I could truly see what I am capable of. I do have to say that without the support and encouragement from Aaron I could not have done this well. When things were really rough here, while I was trying to find a job he helped me just suck it up and make myself do what needed to be done. All that said though, saying you want to change and actually making lasting real changes are on completely different levels. Today, was my first consultation to see if me and the therapist will be a good fit and we both felt good about each other and the goals I have set. I have an appointment next week and am very excited to see what this brings me. Small steps towards big goals is what has been helping me make what I hope are lasting changes towards being a better me. Today's outfit was a thrifted Banana Republic striped shirt from Goodwill here in Portland, American Apparel circle skirt that I dyed forest green, sheer tights from Walgreen's, thrifted boots from another Goodwill location here, faux leather jacket and black fringe infinity scarf from Forever 21 and thick knitted hat from H&M.